


Close up the Hole in my Vein

by cigarettesandlatte



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-08 14:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14107332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cigarettesandlatte/pseuds/cigarettesandlatte
Summary: One more, what is the harm? It is not like I do it more than once a day. Just take the 1000 yen bill. Roll it into a nice thin roll. Get close to the hand mirror on the sink. Align the roll with your nostrils - and sniff... easy as that…





	1. Part 1: Masquerade

Authors Note. This story is quite AU. We all know that Masamune wasn't taking good care of himself in college after Ritsu left him behind. But, what if it all went down a bit darker, and if Ritsu came back sooner than expected? Drug use, alcohol, lemons, yelling and fighting and all that good stuff. Disclaimer: I do not own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi.

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Just one more, what's the harm? I don't do this every day...

Step 1. Take the 1000 yen bill out of your wallet. Step 2. Roll it into a nice thin roll. Step 3. Arrange the coke into a fine line on the mirror. Step 4. Get close to the hand mirror on the sink. Step 5. Align the roll with your nostrils. And Step 6. sniff. Easy as that and then.. _the rush_.  
God that felt great. Just the feeling of the white powder streaming through your blood system, making you hyper-aware of everything and you get to feel so fucking cool. It's almost as good as having sex and you're on cloud 9 and…

"Come on Masamune! You have been in the fucking bathroom for an hour now! Finish yourself up"! Takafumi kept banging on the door until I finally calmed in my rush.

"Hot doesn't just create itself, I have to shine up for the girls (and guys)!.  
I can't help myself anymore. Ever since high school, I have been batting for both teams. Hell… what was his name again? Ona or Oka, something like that? huh, well that just shows you what 5 years of drugs and drinking does to your memory… 'Senpai… I love you'! NO! Stop fucking thinking about him! He is gone! Out of your life! He probably doesn't even remember you! So just fucking stop! God, I need some more. Again… 1000 yen bill. Roll it up tight and thin. Hand mirror on the sink. Align the bill in the nostrils. Sniff… Looking in the mirror and I don't recognize myself anymore. I'm no longer that skinny seventeen-year-old senior in high school. He was a loner, self-destructive kid. Confused and angry because of his parent's divorce, bitter over love. I am much worse than that. I am a twenty-two-year-old college senior.

  
My time after school is spent doing nothing but drugs and fucking. When I was younger, the oncoming divorce between my parents may have been a dark cloud over my days, but I still had the sun. Because I had him. I had him right in my arms, bed, life - and now I am left with nothing with a hole.  
I am nothing. I am no longer 'Saga Masamune' or _Saga-Sempai._  I am Takano Masamune. Though I don't really know who he is.

Taking a look at myself in the mirror and what do I see? A worn out young man, with black circles under his eyes and shaggy black hair that is in need of a haircut. My body has become more muscular and toned, though my ribs are seen through my tight shirt. I grew 3 inches more after finishing high school.

The guy in the mirror is a good looking guy, but he looks like he has been through it all, and yet they still want me? Why do all those girls and guys always go home with me? It's a dumb question I, of course, know the answer to, it is not because of who I am, but because of who I am trying to be.  
The carefree guy who wants to party 24/7, he gets as many men and women in his bed as he pleases, just so he can try to fill some holes and the hole in his heart, but there are new holes I can feel everywhere know. In the palms of my hand, the tips of my fingers, my cheeks, my arms, even the back of my head feels like it has craters in it. _I am not well._ But I give all of them a smile.

Splashing some water on my face, taking a nice long look into the eyes of the man in the mirror, I give him a big great smile. The greatest smile of them all. The knowing one, - "yeah, I look good". It's quite nice to assure yourself with those things.

I finally walk out of the bathroom and find Yokozawa leaning against the wall. - "Jesus Christ, Masamune, it's about fucking time"!  
  
"Yeah, yeah, are we going or what? I need to see if there is some new meat out in town"! I - "Yeah me"… - "Huh, you said something?" I turn around facing Takafumi.  
"No, let's just get going okay"? - "Yeah let's go! let's go! let's go!"  
  
Even in front of my best friend, I act carefree like the funny party guy. He knows it's all a façade and I know he knows, but we both won't say anything. ^  
Glancing a quick last one look in the mirror that's hanging in the hallway and again, I flash that smile to myself.  
  
_Yeah, you look good enough for the new stuff. Let's see if there is something new in town._

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Hope you liked it, please leave a review so I can know what I should do better. Love, cigarettesandlatte.


	2. Part 2: Exorcism

Here is second chapter of Close up the Hole in my Vein :) Hope you like it!

Placebo – Nancy Boy

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The streets are cold for a late September evening. The Summer has barely ended, so the weather took us by surprise when we reluctantly grabbed our jackets on our way out of the door. We had only walked 100 meters away from my apartment before we were defeated by the cold and returned for our jackets. We are on our way to our usual place. It isn't some big boom blasting club, where sweaty people are fighting in the bar queue for drinks.  
Our place is a bar we had found one night when I was thrown out of a club. The fight had been started when some airhead tried to steal my wallet.  
Looking down every street we cross on our way to the park, listening to the sound of our feet crushing the dead leaves on the pavement, it is a pretty beautiful, you know? Tokyo.  
This city can be breathtaking at times.  
When I look at the orange, red, brown and green colored leaves on the trees in the autumn-time, I think of the days I spend in Kyoto with my parents. Just the memories of my dad and me, playing around in the fallen leaves with my mother laughing and cheering, as I stuffed leaves down my father's coat, the memory leaves me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Those days were everything to that little boy, but they are gone now.  
In the wintertime, I admire the crystal white snow falling silently from the sky. Memories of the massive snowball fight I had with Yokozawa in our first year of college. I had fallen asleep while studying for my finance test the night before, and the jackass thought it would be funny to wake me up by dragging me out in the snow, while I was only wearing my favorite band t-shirt and boxer briefs. It was quite funny since I won the fight in the end. He should just have kept his eyes where he could see me.  
The summertime in this city can be unforgiving with its searing heat but is welcome when you see all the butterflies almost everywhere, and those fluttering things can be just as breathtaking as snow. The summer sweat is dripping of off your skin, while you're sitting in the park with your friends drinking cold beer and playing ball. Then there, of course, is spring.  
That's the special one. Another love of mine. The blooming flowers on all the trees; the animals that have been hiding all winter showing up, all the streets in the city are slowly getting more and more crowded with people enjoying cold drinks. And the thing that stands out the most is the beautiful sights of the biggest and most blooming sakura tree you can find. Covered in the pinkest colors you could ever dream of.  
And yet spring I also hate the most. And the trees, the flowers, the happy smiles. They always remind me of him. By only looking at those trees, the pink flowers, my mind skips five years back to when I was a seventeen-year-old kid, with a fifteen-year-old boyfriend. Senpai. His voice runs through my mind every day. It is haunting me, and I'm afraid that one day I'll be in the need of an exorcism.

But until that day, here we are; two seniors in college on our way to our usual bar. Yokozawa's mission: Keep an eye on me, (even though he would never admit it). My mission: Get laid.

I know I'm a mess, but a mans has got to have his fun, or I'll just sink lower than I already have. I'm only a few steps away from being at the official bottom of the food chain. Feeling like a wounded puppy sometimes, growling and biting the hand that tries to feed you. But I understand them. Getting kicked to the ground, then struggle to get yourself up and then get kicked to the field again, well after so many times you just don't give a shit anymore. "Don't do some dumb shit like you so often do, tonight," Takafumi said to me before opening the door to the bar. "Sure thing Takafumi," I plastered my 'let's party all night' face on and almost kicked the door open.

On our way over to the bar I flirt a bit with the cute wardrobe girl, she can't handle it and starts giggling. I know that she's checking me out. I'm wearing my dark blue jeans with a washed of color, and a plain tight black t-shirt on with a logo on the neck cape. It's a very tight shirt so that you can see my abs through it. My outfit gives off the whole ''Yeah, I know that I look good, but don't give a shit' expression. Yokozawa and I make our way to the bar but before we got there, his hand caught my wrist. "Go find us a seat at the bar, or are you just going to do your fucking things like always?", and then he left to use the restroom; I shrugged it off and went to go order our drinks.

As I reach the bar I notice that there weren't as many people in here today. There were only about, let's say, fifteen people? A good night usually has about fifty and a rough one thirty at least. Sitting at the bar glancing around the room, watching drunk faces interacting with each other. I know what is going to happen tonight, and I won't let anything stop it. I won't let myself go home alone this evening, sleeping in an empty bed alone. But I do hate it when they haven't left in the morning. I don't like seeing their faces in the sunlight. I only want to wake up next to him. Shit… I sound like an emotional wreck... After waving the waiter my way, a slightly tall man greeted me. Not taller than me; but taller than the ordinary Japanese man; he looked about the late thirty's I'll say? "

Good evening Sir, can I take your order"? "Hello to you, I'll take two beers; the house's special." "Yes sir and would you like to pay right away"? "Sure, say why is it like a ghost town in here"? "The bar a couple of streets away has a 30% off the drinks night, so it's gonna be pretty rough for me tonight." "Quite the competition huh"? "Haha, yes maybe we will pull that trick someday. Here's your beers and that will be 1.392 Yen* thank you". I pull out the cash from my wallet, handing him 1700 Yen. "Here you go; keep the change"! I say with a charming smile. "Oh thank you, Sir"! He bowed to me and left so he could serve the next guest. I follow the waiter with my eyes, and my sight lands on the guy the waiter is taking orders from, and damn he is adorable.  
No, adorable is the wrong word and still the right one to use. He is handsome and quite a hottie. Wouldn't mind taking him home.  
A light brown mop of hair, that looks like he just rolled out of bed, and it's sexy as all hell if you asked me. But it isn't his mouth, hair or body that attracts me. There is something that makes him stand out from the others. His eyes, my god, those eyes; I have never seen anything more breathtaking than them. They are the most beautiful green color. They look like polished emeralds. But there is something else in them. It isn't the color or the shape. They just remind me so much of him, and the memory creeps down my back like a cold shower that wakes you up in the morning. So here I am, making my way towards him, and I am the picture of confidence. He notices me, and I lock my eyes on his from each of our sides at the bar.

He looks like a little bunny on the trail. Seeking a place to hide from the big bad wolf, and that is what I am right now. A wolf. Making its way towards its prey, and I will not lose. I am only a few steps away from him. Okay Masamune, take your position and get ready for the countdown.

5: I am now five feet away from him. 4: four more steps and you'll look like a pussy turning around again. 3: three more steps and why are my hands starting to sweat? 2: two more steps and fuck it, it's probably just the drugs and alcohol. 1: the final step; and I am now standing right next to him. He is sitting there a little slouched in his seat, fidgeting. Poor guy, he probably thinks I'm a drunk jerk looking to start a fight. He won't look at me. Well, then I have to introduce myself and break the ice. I stand next to him so our shoulders are barely touching and I turn my face so I can look at him and say;

"Hello, I'm Takano Masamune. May I buy you a drink"? He looks a bit startled and nervous at me. He clears his throat and finally responds; "Hi, I'm Onodera Ritsu, and um yes if you insist, you may buy me a drink." I can't help but smirk at the answer. But I get slightly startled for a second there. Ritsu? Haven't I heard that name somewhere else before? I shrug it off, maybe I'll ask later. "Well hello, Onodera, very pleased to meet you." I send him an award-winning smile, that can make every girl and a few guys giggle in excitement. He just stares baffled at me for a moment, and then answers with a small smile on his lips; "Yeah, you too Takano-san."

This is looking to be a great night.


	3. Part 3: Hypnotized

I have to give it to myself - I don't beat around the bush. Smooth words and three drinks in, and I'm now making out with Onodera in the back of the bar. You are all probably thinking, "where the hell did that come from?"

Let us rewind about an hour or so back in the story.

_One hour ago._

Again, I had caught the bartender's attention, but this time I didn't want to bother with having a conversation with him. It's always good to be polite, but at this point, my attention should only belong solely to Onodera Ritsu, the arm candy of the evening. He had asked for whiskey straight up, (a pretty heavy drink if I may say so myself), but it's his drink, and if the drink would make him a bit easier to pursuit, he can have whatever he wants. I was still standing with mine and Yokozawa's beers in my hands, by the way where the fuck was he? Glancing towards the men restroom patiently waiting for him to get his beer, I turned my attention back to Onodera

"So, what is a handsome guy like you doing in a bar on a Friday night by himself, when you could be out with some girl in a club or nice restaurant"? Okay, I had called him handsome, he must have caught the compliment and known that it wasn't just a friendly conversation I was after. Shrugging his shoulder and a little sigh he answered, "well um, it has just been a rough day at school and I needed a little pick-me-up-drink." He looked at my nonchalantly, made a little wave with his drink and didn't say much after that, just went back to sipping his drink. Looking a little closer at him, I took in the dark circles under his eyes and his slightly chapped (kissable) lips. He looked worn out, Uni can be a bitch. I was about to ask more about his school, but before I could say more…

"What about you Takano-san? Who are you with"? He motioned to the two beers in my hands. God Yokozawa... get your fucking beer... I was glad that he could make conversation and ask questions, most girls and boys just sit there squirming in their seats and start giggling whenever you ask them anything. "Well I go to Mitsuhashi University, I major in literature." 'The Literature Speech,' the girls and boys love that, it makes you sound 'oh so smart.' "I also study literature! Just at T. University". Fuck, he must be pretty sharp if he goes to T. University. I have to admit that it made me feel intimidated. Not that he goes to an excellent university, but that I for once was flirting with someone who has something between their ears. "Well Onodera, would you like join me at one of the booths in the back? It would be more private than this; it always gets so crowded by the bar". I could read the look on his face that he was thinking about my little offer. He looked like someone who had been offered a piece of candy from a stranger and didn't know if he should take it or leave it. "Well I…" - 'come on please; please say yes.' Why the hell was I begging in my head? Am I this much of a comfort freak, that I need attention from a stranger? It's as if talking with him messes with my feelings and - "sure. Why not?"

He said yes! and he smiled. That soft smile gave me a small kick to my engine. Huh, engine... Isn't it a bit early to let this guy give me this much fluttering in my stomach? I had only known him for about twenty minutes. He already made me feel nervous. Come on Masamune, do not let him see who you really are, just smile and say, "well then grab your drink and let's go sit over there by the tables in the back of the room, I'll just make sure no on..." " _Masamune_ "! Well shit, there comes Yokozawa, always at the wrong time. "Yes, Takafumi what is it"? He must have caught the annoyance in my voice, suits him right when he just comes barging in when I'm trying to flirt with someone.  
"I just wanted to tell you that I am leaving, met this chick and... who's that?" He motioned to Onodera. Staring at them I wanted to properly introduce him, "This is Ono"…  
  
"Onodera Ritsu pleased to meet you," he got to introduce himself before I had finished. Yokozawa was giving him the elevator look, and he did not look too pleased. "Huh.. well I just wanted to tell you that I am leaving, and I would say that you should think about going home too, but it looks like you have something else planned for this evening". This guy may be my best friend, but I didn't like the tone he used with me when he was obviously talking about a guy I'm trying to get home with me, that idiot. "Just go Takafumi; I can take care of myself." We took a long hard stare at each other until he reluctantly gave in. "Yeah yeah, well just be careful, see you Masamune." He finally left so I could put all my attention on Onodera again. I hoped that little situation didn't scare him off, Yokozawa could be quite intimidating sometimes.

"I'm sorry about that Onodera, we should just go to the back now and catch some seats". 

In the back of the room was there a secluded place, just waiting for us. A little round table, where the chairs were switched out with couches, the perfect place for courting someone. Hidden away from all the sound coming from the bar, drunk people trying to get someone home with them (I was in no way better myself). "So Onodera, what would you like to talk about? I would like to know a bit more about you".  
I kept my relaxed gaze on him, through the years I had trained the stare of _I really do care, but I don't want to seem like it._

"Well… what would you like to know? I'm not this used to talking about myself to others haha"… I could hear that he was nervous, hell… I was a bit worried myself, and that doesn't sound like me, but there is something about this guy… "Well, then you can just tell me some things Onodera, I'm quite intrigued by you." I carefully lifted my hand, slowly moving it towards him, letting my fingertips run through his hair. That messy brown hair reminds me so much of him. Oda. That little piece of shit. "Um well… I like books and literature. It's always nice to relax with a good book after a rough day, haha; you must also be fond of books Takano-san? Since you also study literature"? "Yes, that's why I'm also studying literature. It's great that we can major in something that lets you escape from reality." "Yes exactly haha"! It was very nice that he got so excited from what I said. He took a sip of his drink, and I couldn't help but study his face curiously… High cheekbones, soft lips, a small straight nose, he noticed my scrutiny and blushed. 'Cute' was the first thought I got. But his eyes, the most brilliant emerald green I had ever seen ever since him; it was almost as if they were the same person, but no… Oda – if that were even his name – would probably never go to a bar by himself and get into a conversation so easily with a man that was so obviously flirting with him. No. This guy I just met already has me wrapped around his finger, without knowing it. Oh well... It's probably just the alcohol talking, Nah; it's definitely the drugs talking… I was brought out of my train of thoughts when Onodera started speaking again, I must have been awfully quiet…

"So what are you doing here Takano-san? Well except for drinking, I told you my tale". "Well I was originally here with my friend Yokozawa, but he ditched me for a girl, but I was just lucky to find something more interesting to spend the evening with rather than him"… He caught the hint, right? I mean it must have been obvious by that point that I was really into him. "Oh, a..a..and what is that if I may ask"?

"You," I answered him blankly, it caught him off guard because he almost choked on his drink. "Oh! Haha, w..why me if I may ask? I'm nothing special"- this guy was getting deeper and deeper under my skin. I let myself give into the physical need in me that needed to touch him, lifted my hand and traced my fingertips against his cheek. I traced them slowly down his face and caught his chin between my index finger and thumb, turned his face agonizingly slow towards mine, so his lips were mere inches away from mine. "Onodera, you are one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen in my life, and tonight I want to make you mine". 

Thank god for cocaine, it gives you a much-needed confidence boost in most situations. My plea must have been very clear because his face turned a bright red and his green eyes widened to an almost inhuman size. Tracing my eyes along with his face, I noticed how his lips were wet with whiskey, and I got tempted to just lick the bittersweet liquid of his lips. His lips quivered the more I stared at them. I let myself get closer, relish in the thought of tasting him and then… I did it. I kissed him. Snaking my unoccupied hand around his neck, I pulled him closer to me so the upper parts of our chests touched. A relieved sigh of ecstatic happiness left my lips, and what did he do? 

Absolutely nothing. He was frozen, like an ice-cold lake, yet trembled like the dry leaves on an autumn tree in a storm. Almost regretting my hasty decision, I broke the kiss and looked at him. He looked so vulnerable, so nervous, so confused and just so… beautiful. He was quietly staring at me, and I started to panic; was I too forward? The silence had to be broken. - "I am really sorry, I should not have done that". He pulled himself slightly back from me and placed a hand on the table. Looking away he covered his mouth talking, almost whispering, " it's okay, I was just a bit surprised haha"… My eyes widened at the words. So it was okay? Could I kiss him again? Not trusting my own decisions this time I had to ask, "may I kiss you again"? Still, with his hand covering his mouth, he looked at me, "Y..yes, you may". This time I was slower with my moves and removed his hand from the mouth. I tilted him slightly so that his back was touching the couch… and then I did it again. I moved my lips against him again, and it felt fucking great, and that leads us to _now_. I, Takano Masamune making out with Onodera Ritsu, in the back of a bar feeling fucking great.  
  
Our mouths are kissing as if they are magnets pulling towards each other, my hands caressing his hair as if it's made of the finest silk, our tongues move with such missed passion as if these two sets of lips have touched before.

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I hope you enjoyed/liked the chapter :) And as always reviewing is appreciated ^^


	4. Part 4: Placebo

Before the story starts, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has left kudos and read this story. It means a lot! Enjoy :)

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It has only been 4 hours since the last time I was in this park with Yokozawa. The night has become even colder, but the heat of Onodera's hand in mine is winning.

I can hear the dry leafs being crushed under my feet, my very fast feet. I can't slow down. I'm practically dragging Onodera with me, and I can feel his pulse through his hand if that is even possible. His fingers are gently laced through mine, but while he's clinging on to me, I'm pulling him. 

After our second kiss in the backseats of the bar, I bought us some more drinks and grabbed a pack of cards from the bar. While drinking and getting to know each other more, we ended up playing Black Jack for an hour. When one of us lost, we had to drink more. My cocaine confidence had me be so sure of myself, saying I had Black Jack when I only had nineteen; no chance he could have a better hand. But he did, so there were 8 sips for me. I'm sure I'll have a hangover tomorrow.  
  
Onodera is laughing at me as I am dragging him through the park. I am letting my eagerness show and I am not sure that I like it. He barely had a chance to finish his sentence after agreeing to go home with me. I took our jackets, dragged him out of the bar and headed for my apartment. The trains aren't running at this time of night, so we have to walk the far way home, all the more time for him to change his mind. I can't wait. I want him.  
  
"Ta...Takano-san! Please don't walk so fast, I can barely keep up with you". I stop in my tracks and lay my gaze upon him. I'm so attracted to him, but it feels wrong. Usually, I am not this eager. I can hardly believe that for tonight at least I can make him mine. I stare at the full moon in the sky, searching for answers. For something else than him to make sense. I look around to see that there are only lights from a few streetlights and the moon. If I thought he was beautiful in the bar, well then now he looks amazing. The bright white light reflecting from the moon hits his brown hair and his huge emerald eyes are so beautiful… I thought eyes like those only existed in fairy tales.  
"We're almost at my apartment if you still want to"- I start hesitating, what if he didn't really want to go home with me? – I would give him the choice… "But I can always follow you home if you want?" Please don't say you want to go home. I don't want to go home alone. He looks unsure of himself, staring down at his shoes, "Y..yes, I want to. You just walk so fast and it's not like we're in a rush, right"? Yes, we are in a rush.

I walk towards him and stare deep into his eyes. How do I say this directly? Maybe it will be easier by wrapping my arms tightly around him and I whisper huskily into his ear with more need than I want to feel - "Onodera if we don't get to my apartment soon, I'm gonna burst". He tenses up in my arms, mumbling incoherent sentences, and I stare at him again, seeing the nervousness and confusion on his face. His eyes, and his body language. I know that he wants me to. Leaning down I bring my lips closer to his and whisper achingly my final words - "I need to be inside of you, taste you and have you". This is a question of having. Though sharing my night with another stranger is nothing new, this one is different. For once I want to make love, not just another fuck.

The need of giving someone a piece of myself, belong to another one for a night and let him by mine. I bring my index finger and thumb to his chin and lock them, just as I had done earlier and guide his face towards mine.

* * *

"Ah...ah Takano-san"! "Onodera, ngh"!

This is what I needed, his body locked in a tight embrace, my embrace. Thrusting slowly in and out of him. Panting mouths, licking mouths, biting mouths. Eyes glazing over with lust, eyes filling over with pleasureful tears, eyes clenching tight from ecstasy. He confided in me before entering my apartment, that he hadn't had sex with a man for years, only girls. Knowing this I took my time and prepared him as much and as gently as I could, though it only worked me even more up, drowning in every gasp and moan he gave me. Now being inside of him, I can confirm from his breathless words and sounds that he is really enjoying himself, and I couldn't be more pleased. "Oh, ah! There Ta...Takano! There"! "M...mh, here"? A sly grin is playing on my face, as I ask him I give him a more determined thrust, and he moans even louder, from the harsh push as I ram hard into him, pressing hard against the small bunch of nerves.

God his voice is turning me so much on, it's like a high. I lean closer kissing his lips. I gently lick his bottom lip asking for entrance. I push my tongue into his mouth, he complies letting me in. Our lips lock, I lick his tongue like I'm tasting the sweetest honey on the surface, and our bodies are connected. It's a slow sensual pace, but my thrusts are getting deeper and deeper, eager and determined. I want him to feel extraordinary. I want him to be on cloud nine. I want to be his best ever, so I can lay claim to him, so he won't forget this night nor me. My mouth is by his ear now, I'm whispering sweet words about how much I like him; yeah it's probably too soon, but he doesn't complain, he moans, even more, his body writhing beneath me. "Ta…Takano", he moans against my neck, his nails digging into the skin of my arms. I drown myself in his voice, a mature tone with a childlike ring to it when he pitches at his highest pleasure. I raise myself by my arms, hands splayed out by his head. I take in his flushed cheeks and tousled hair, he is biting into the pillow next to him, keening over by pleasure. My eyes travel away and I look down at us. I had been so desperate to get him into bed that I didn't take the time to discover just how.. gorgeous his body is.

He is lean built, his abs aren't as muscular like mine, but damn he is a sight. His warm toned skin looks tanned compared to my dull lack of color. It must be all the drugs... Every time I let my mind drift, he drives me right back into the moment.

"I..I can't, it's too good," - he has his eyes covered by his hand, groaning into the palm. Can't have that. Placing my own hand into the one covering his face, I place it above his head, making him look at me. "Onodera, enjoy this," - I gently bite the lobe of his right ear whispering, "God... You're so tight", and groan against him, making sure he knows how good he makes me feel as I'm thrusting more determined into him.

The steady rhythm of our bodies moving together is getting faster, turning it into an erratic dance of wanting to feel more and the early enjoyments of the oncoming goal of climax. His voice is driving me nearer to my climax. He is panting against my chest with his hot breath and groans, "Faster Takano", meeting my eyes with a look of frustration and bliss. "Faster"? I look at him in slight disbelieve mixed with a thrill that he wants more. My plan was to make this experience intimate and gentle (as gentle as I can be), but every word, moan and touch fuels my body and I give in to the animalistic part of me to pound him harder.

His eyebrows furrow and his eyes darken, it is almost too good and yet not enough. I lean down and lick his bottom lip, telling him to open up. Our tongues drink each other up, hot breaths mixing together. His body tightens around me, voice trembling, pulling back from my mouth, tears that I hope is from pleasure spill from his eyes, "Ah fuck, Takano I'm coming", he moans against my neck. I quickly grab him in my hand, he is hard and heavy, his breath pitches and keens, mixed whispers of _fuck_ , _yes yes yes_ , the white liquid soiling my hand. As he rolls his eyes back from past and present pleasure, I hungrily lick the remains of my fingers, almost shocking myself by how far I am taking this. The thought of being this close, open and raw with someone else pushes me over the edge and I let my orgasm take over, right hand above Onoderas head, moaning against him as I take myself in my left and cum in one of the condoms I so smartly bought earlier this day.

That felt amazing. I haven't had such an intense orgasm since - no don't think about that. This isn't about him. Don't think about him right now, not when you have given this your everything. This is about the best sex I've had in a while now, with Onodera Ritsu. A man I met less than 4 hours ago, lying beneath me with closed eyes, panting and moaning the last pleasure out of his body. I lean down to kiss him gently and caress his cheek. We're both slightly shaking, our bodies recovering from our intense orgasms. Still feeling high. I move over right, leaning my back against the bedpost. I don't care much for cuddling with anyone, but I feel a strange urge to pull him into my arms so he is resting his head on my chest. "That was fantastic" I sigh, with a toothy grin.

He whispers back to me, "Ye-yeah it was". I look down at him, noticing that he's avoiding my eyes. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Was I too rough"? I panic a little, it was never my intention to make him feel bad. Maybe he really didn't want this, but couldn't say no? - He frowns and averts my gaze, "No no, that's not it, I really enjoyed it"... He looks upset and caught up in his own thoughts. "Well, what's the problem then"? The chink in my armor is showing, and the coke is wearing off, the irritability building up on me. I don't want to see him like this, especially after such a good time.

"I told you earlier that I haven't had sex with a guy for years. I only did it with my ex-boyfriend, and yeah I'm not too sure how I'm feeling about all of this"… That felt kind of sucky. I didn't want to be just a pity fuck that he could use, but I'm no better when it comes to my own feelings. I run a sweaty hand down my face, calculating the next step. Should I throw him out and get this over with? Give him another round? - "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Just tell me. He sighs, I've noticed that he does that a lot, but then snuggles closer to me. "Just hold me like this, it's nice"... I smile, just smile, he is extremely adorable. "Will you stay the night"?

"Sure, if you want me to… I don't want to burden you"? He looks questioningly at me. "Of course I want you to stay", and before I know it, he is completely relaxed and sounds asleep in my arms. I take his smaller hand and lace my fingers through his. His chest is rising with every breath, and small snores leave his mouth. While my eyes examine his body further, I let the hand that is holding his run along his arm in ignorant bliss, almost missing the scars. His wrist. Cuts, deep deep cuts. Horrible cuts, how can I else explain it? My body tenses up with him in my arms; I don't know what to do. Empathy, sympathy, disgust, curiousness whelm up in me. Questions; Why Why is he doing this to himself? Trying not to disturb him in his sleep, I carefully take a hold of his wrist and examine the scars further. Some of the cuts look fresh, the skin hasn't even fully covered on some of the wounds and there is dried blood. While counting the scars on his forearm, memories of the evening return to my mind. The situation made me feel a bit eerie like something was off, but I ignored it; when the cocaine still told me that everything was A-okay.

_Onodera stood from his seat and fixed his sweater. "Takano-san, please excuse me a moment, I have to use the restroom". Lifting my eyes from my cellphone, rejecting yet another earlier one-night stand, I smiled at him, "Sure, I'll just wait here"._

_I watched him walk to the restroom and after seeing him disappear I looked around the room, watching a couple sitting at the bar. They were in a heated makeout session, almost grinding against each other. The guy's hand was rubbing the girl's thigh with his right hand, not so discreetly, (I wasn't the only one staring)._

_I felt a hardness building in my jeans, while I was watching them making out in the bar, hoping that I would have such an opportunity later with Onodera. I started thinking about all the things I would do to him if I could get him home with me. Sucking and licking his neck, leaving marks. Sucking and licking everywhere really. I got myself all riled up, begging him not to just ditch me. I sat there in the back of the bar, waiting agonizingly. The couple got boring and I got up to the bar to order another beer for myself and whiskey for Onodera, curtly nodding to the guy who was having his drink while the girl kissed along his neck. Chitchatting with random girls who came up to me, apologizing nicely that I couldn't have drinks with them since I already had a date. It had been ten minutes now and I was starting to get a little nervous. Shit, what if he actually ditched me? I thought he was interested, he looked interested, damn he was so cute too, I could only blame myself for coming on too strong' - while agonizingly drinking my beer I was brought back from my self-loathing musings when – "Takano-san, sorry it took so long, I got a call". Just a call._

_"Oh that's fine, don't worry", I kept my cool composed self, but inside I was making a victory dance while chanting 'YES YES YES'! He smiled sweetly at me, "Glad it didn't bother you" while scratching his wrist._

Should I ask him when he wakes up? No, he would probably just say it's none of my business which it really isn't. We all got our own things we're dealing with. He isn't the first one that I've met who does this, so many kids back in high school did it all the time, almost like a trend. Maybe I'll ask him one day if I get the chance. Or maybe I'll never meet him again. Maybe he is just another fuck (one really, really good one). I might wake up tomorrow noticing that he wasn't all that and kick him out myself.

But all I know right now is that I just had the best sex I've had in a long time, I have a hot guy lying in my arms, I'm still a bit drugged and the first thing tomorrow is an Aspirin.

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Hope you enjoyed it! As always, reviewing is appreciated :)


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